Anti-Mouse Breeding: A Senseless Rant

Finally, someone has come out with a topic I can REALLY get behind. 

Anti-mouse breeding. 

Why do we need mice anyway? If they are the smartest animals on the planet, as detailed in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, then why do we play with them in little mazes? Why do they ‘allow’ us to do scientific experiments on them? Why are they so small? Why do they have such short legs? Why are there no mouse Olympics? 

I will tell you why! Because mice ARE NOT the smartest animals on the planet. they are little white specks that poop disease. They hold an important place in the food chain, but really, rats could take that place with some persuasion and a little genetic engineering. Mice take little places and make them into birthing rooms, ripping up newspapers and scraps to spew more disease pooping menaces upon the earth. 

Mice prey upon our fears as well. During their nesting and so on, they make mystical noises that sound at night like ghosts creeping across attic floors as they scurry, hunting for more food to feed their diabolically evil offspring. They make it impossible to watch a good M. Night Shyamalan film before attempting to sleep. Those foul-furred evil bastards!!

Anyone who is for mouse breeding should be banned from speaking. ever. They suck. So there. I double stamp it!

See, I got behind that one as much as I got behind the violins on TV problem!

Humm? what was that? Oh, VIOLENCE on TV?! Oh… ah… never mind about the mice…

**Cue announcer music** “This tyrannical rant brought to you by fans of JTHM, Trigun, the letter K, and the number 4. Thank you for tuning in, we now return you to our regularly scheduled boring ass life.”